The Lowdown: NFL soccer shirt; Human black pants; Hanes undershirt; Adidas sneakers; DIY gloves
Guilt is a monster— hindering one’s capability to do his best in light of the past. Most of the time, people tend to get caught in a web of their own making. It may sound ironic but the truth is: we point fingers to others for the consequences of our own personal mischief. The blame game ultimately happens one way or another.
Nonetheless, life & times make it crystal clear that we as individuals are responsible for our own actions. Sige ma-guilty ka for a while, normal yan. Pero patagalin mo for a month, a year? Di na healthy yan dude! As what I’ve learned from Tris Prior’s bae, Tobias Eaton: “Let the guilt teach you how to behave next time” Inhale, exhale—- tomorrow is a brand new day.
I felt like a mannequin with the way I stared at empty air into complete oblivion. Reality sinks in, slowly but not surely. I didn’t know the emotion I was feeling. Jealousy? Delight? Blue? Shock? Until then, I still can’t answer with certainty.
What rolled in front of my eyes just minutes from now was a TV commercial from a big company in the country. And surprise surprise! It was my former barkada in high school who played lead. Yeah, no biggie. *sarcasm*
It was after that moment that I felt sure about one thing. I was asking myself again: When will I finally get my big break?
There are three types of people in the world— those who work hard to get to the top, those who were born at the top & those who don’t really care. Among the three, I can’t exactly judge what I am but I’m pretty much guessing it’s the first.
Life is all about the pursuit of happiness. We are involuntarily told to search for it until we bleed. No one knows where their brand of happiness is since it is relative to every individual. It takes seconds, minutes, days, months, years & even decades for some. Worst comes to worst, a lifetime is not even enough for even a sliver of it to be found by the bleak. The human mind knows no limit & it never becomes content. After you’ve found a mound of happiness, you crave for another. Instead of quenching the thirst, it makes it insatiable. You become hungrier. And I think it is the same for that so-called “big break”.
Time is nothing but a number for some; but for those who waste none, it’s their life. I am 19. Yes, I’m still young but why do I feel like time is running out? When I was 16, I thought I could have it all— only to realize after 3 years that it takes a huge deal of effort to embrace a single one.
My surname may not ring a bell. I may be a tad bit lacking in many qualities. But I sure am one heck of a dreamer— one who envisions & exerts damn effort at the same time. That is what I am sure of. Our proverbial fathers once said that good things come for those who wait. Heck yeah that’s true; but inevitably, the better ones go to those who work for it.
Watching people do their thang has made me un-oblivious to the fact that it is not you who chooses your break. The break chooses you.
I will get there.
Pardon me for all the terms I’ll be using in this post but as a warning, I will just state that I am currently obsessed with the Divergent Trilogy by Veronica Roth! It reminds me a lot of The Hunger Games with just a little less violence & more of the dystopian-ness.
Anyway, the books have taught me a lot despite its unrealistic nature (I doubt the world gets divided into 5 factions even after 100000 years). I saw how individualistic & uncontainable the human spirit is. No matter how you try different ways to control someone, his relative choices will still prevail. His actions are the impact nonetheless. Everyone is entitled to his opinions. Free will is indeed free.
Beyond anything, the lesson that really stood out for me would have to be the general truth that visceral actions are the way to go. Do whatever you think is right & what makes you happy. Even if the society resents it, be radical & stay that way. You are the boss of your own life. You are not Abnegation, you are not Dauntless— you are Divergent.
© Jeremy Cañasa 2013